Christian men, I have to be blunt here. When it comes to most of us and the opposite sex, our approach is downright deplorable.
More than ever, we who call ourselves followers of Jesus need genuine, rock-solid advice on how to improve our relationships with our wives and girlfriends. For whatever reason, most men feel like taking in useful marriage and dating guidance is not worth the effort. Quite often, we would rather toss back a few cold ones with our buddies and discuss the latest sports scores or gripe about politics instead of discovering wise and Biblically-sound ways to improve our relationships with the one we once vowed to commit ourselves to be with the rest of our lives.
As you read this, the union between you and your wife or the committed relationship between you and your girlfriend could be in any number of present states, good, tepid, or even bad. It may be in a place of running with relative smoothness and shared love. Or the fire in your interactions vanished some time ago, and your wife’s demeanor around you may sometimes be pretty lukewarm. Worse yet, your relationship may have approached the lamentable juncture where it’s sinking faster than a torpedoed battleship in a global-scale military conflict.
Whatever stage you and the woman in your life are at, now is the time to keep it continually well-oiled, keep it afloat, or salvage it before things become too untenable.
So I present you with many things for you as a Bible-believing follower of Christ not to do to keep your marriage or boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in tip-top shape.
Things NOT to Do…
| Don’t bother taking your woman on regular dates and continue to romance and pursuit her. You’ve got her to agree to be in a committed relationship, so why bother wasting time and money on taking her out? |
| You’ve worked hard all day, so you deserve some rest and relaxation! It’s okay to set your butt on the recliner or couch and binge-watch the hottest streaming series. Better yet, you should constantly purchase the latest video games, working endless hours every evening trying to beat them. |
| Women are generally the better house managers, cooks, child-raisers, and decision-makers. Don’t bother taking the lead on any of these matters. Let your spouse handle all or most of these concerns and show up only for what you consider to be the “manly” or “tough” things. |
| Have a short fuse; be sure to mope, get upset, blow up, and never exhibit self-control. Being a cool, calm, confident (in the Lord), and faithful man is the job of only a few select men, or it’s just too much work to change. |
| Follow the adage “happy wife, happy life.” Your number one goal is to please your wife. Always let her get her way and have the final say. Never show any backbone, and never, EVER display tendencies of being a strong, courageous leader and being confident in Christ. |
| Don’t bother to take care of yourself physically. Be a slob and a glutton, and be proud of your “dad bod.” Always make bad choices regarding the foods you eat and the beverages you drink. By all means, never exercise! Who has time for stuff like that, right? |
| Find ways to criticize your wife in public. Find every available opportunity to point out her flaws in front of friends and family, and by all means, never offer any positive praise of her and to her. |
| See that you frequently act jealous, petty, and easily angered at all sorts of things. Compare yourself to others, especially when you see other men as “competition,” and behave in a way that shows your envy, combativeness, and dismissiveness. Notice that another guy is wealthier, better looking, more intelligent, or stronger than you? Make sure you act childish and bitter and let your woman see how over-the-top impassioned and bitter you can be about it! |
| Let your mate take the reins of your spiritual life. Let her take care of hers and the children’s time with God, including devotionals, Bible reading, and praying at home. While you’re at it, let her take the reins at leading her and the kids to church. As a matter of fact, why don’t you only go to church when you feel like it? You’ve worked your tail end off all week, and you need an extra morning to sleep in and chill. |
| Make sure you’re depressing to be around. Don’t laugh, joke around, or be light-heartedly playful. Be negative about every single, solitary thing in the world. Constantly complain about the government, the President, the media, the opposing political party, your boss, your co-workers, your job, your difficult financial circumstances, your neighbors, your medical problems, your housing situation, your in-laws, the fact that everyone else has it better than you, and that your wife doesn’t give you enough sex. Never adopt a cheerful, joyous, grateful, Biblical attitude and never pray to the Lord with your spouse about your problems and faithfully expect Him to take care of you. |
| Don’t put the Lord Jesus Christ first in your marriage, home, work, and every other area of your life. It’s adequate just to consider yourself to be a “Christian” just because you’re an old-fashioned, patriotic, conservative man who believes in God. Why on earth should you submit everything to Christ and His authority? |
| Never be ambitious and never be proactive about getting anything done. Don’t seek out household chores, repairs, and responsibilities on your own. Let your wife inform you when things need to get done. |
| Don’t show your wife or girlfriend love, forgiveness, and grace. After all, with the cold and distant way she’s been treating you lately, why should you do anything loving or respectful to and for her? |
| Be whiny about sex. Beg your wife for intercourse, frequently complain to her, and get into a knock-down, drag-out fight at least once or twice a year over the subject. Hold it over her head, and keep track of how many times she “puts out” over time. Never touch, hug, or cuddle with your bride without the expectation that you will “get some” from her. |
| Never be ambitious and have things to do outside of the home. You’re a busy guy, so why bother doing any serving at church, teaching and discipling newer Christians, or having outside projects? It’s better to sit and home and relax and be like the tens of millions of other do-nothing slobs out there. |
| Being a strong, bold, and confident leader is only for an elite few in society. Don’t even bother aspiring to be someone your wife and kids can admire. |
| Be private, hold things back, and hold secrets from her. Never be open and transparent. |
| If you are married, make sure you keep your own finances, bank accounts, and credit cards. Don’t speak to your spouse about any purchases you make, big or small. Never be on the same page when it comes to financial goals. Hoard all your money to yourself, and never merge your finances. As a wedded couple, you and she may be “one flesh,” but that certainly does not apply to the money you earn. |
| Always be needy and clingy, and act like one of her children. Don’t do anything without your “mommy’s” (AKA her) approval. Refer to her as “the boss” and always let everyone in your circles know that she is your leader. |
| By all means, never encourage, inspire, or build up your wife or girlfriend using Biblical principles. Why should you lead her in your walk with Christ and always point her to Jesus in all you do? That’s only for wimpy, preachy, religious types to do! |
| Refuse to set the spiritual tone in the home for your wife and children. |
Okay, Okay, I Trust You Get the Point…
I pray that you recognize the heavy sarcasm dripping all throughout this article and that, in reality, you should do the complete opposite of what’s been written. Either as preventative maintenance on your relationship or in an intense, emergency effort to repair your marriage, do the complete inverse of what is suggested above, and get to doing them quick.
The closeness and intimacy you have as a couple and the temperature gauge are based on a concept called Interest Level that your wife or girlfriend has for you. You perform the boneheaded pieces of advice listed above, and the Interest Level she has will cool off. Do the opposite by being a cool, controlled, ambitious leader in Christ, and the Interest level will rise.
Most men, not really having a clue what to do when it comes to the opposite sex, will inevitably adopt the bad principles that are laid out in this article. Well, guys, I urge you to abide by the opposite of these tips every day starting now. Don’t cherry-pick them and only do what you feel like doing. Practice them all without fail, and stay committed to following them every day.
Once you implement them and stay in practice for the long haul, you’ll notice refreshingly-improved relationships with your significant other. Your wife will be more attentive, easygoing, loving, and (yes) will want to have sex more often. No joke. You’ll notice arguments occurring less often. And if you and your woman both put the Lord Jesus Christ at the absolute center of your marriage or relationship, with 100% adherence to these principles, you will have a bulletproof union that’s virtually guaranteed never to end with divorce, adultery, or a breakup.
Want to Learn More?
If you want to delve deeper into the concept of “Interest Level” and how it affects your marriage, check out Scott Roberts’ men’s ministry book, “Warrior Disciple,” available at http://www.warriordisciple.org This book covers this and many more heavy-duty topics on becoming fierce followers of Jesus Christ and provides practical advice for being a strong and godly leader in your home.
Grab a copy of Warrior Disciple, get together a few of your friends, and go all-out into being a devoted follower of the Lord Jesus Christ. By doing so, you can learn how to captivate your wife’s heart and build a marriage that glorifies God.
0 Comments