I want to begin carefully, because this topic is easy to misunderstand.

This is not an argument against women in the church. Scripture clearly honors the faithfulness, courage, and service of godly women. The early church depended on women who prayed, served, suffered, and supported the work of the Gospel. Any serious reading of the New Testament makes that obvious.

What I am asking is a different question. Have many churches, often unintentionally, shaped discipleship in a way that leaves men passive rather than formed into spiritually strong, responsible, sacrificial followers of Christ?

I believe this is a real issue. And I believe Scripture gives us the clarity we need to address it honestly.

The Biblical Vision of Mature Manhood Is Demanding

When you read the New Testament, the call to Christian maturity is anything but soft. It is an extremely high, lofty, and demanding calling!

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 16:13, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” Those are not gentle words. They are the language of vigilance, endurance, and courage.

In Ephesians 5:25, husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. That is a call to sacrificial leadership, not passive presence.

In 2 Timothy 2:3, Paul tells Timothy, “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.” A soldier expects hardship, discipline, and obedience.

The Bible consistently calls men to responsibility, endurance, and initiative. Not arrogance. Not domination. But strength under control, strength used in service, strength anchored in obedience to Christ.

That is the vision.

Now compare that with what many men experience in church culture today.

A Quiet Shift in Tone

Over the years, I have noticed something in many churches, and I have felt it myself at times.

Much of modern discipleship focuses heavily on feelings, introspection, and personal comfort. Don’t get me wrong; those things have a place. Scripture speaks deeply to the heart. The Psalms are full of emotion. Jesus Himself showed compassion and tenderness.

But the Christian life is also described as a race (Hebrews 12:1), a fight (1 Timothy 6:12), and a war (Ephesians 6:12). Those themes are just as prominent, yet they are often far less emphasized in practical teaching and ministry environments.

Many men are not afraid of challenge. In fact, many men are starving for it.

I remember speaking with a group of men after a study one evening. One of them said something that stuck with me. He said, “I don’t need another talk about stress management. I need someone to tell me how to fight sin and lead my family.”

That was honest. And I think many men feel the same way, even if they do not say it out loud.

Passivity Is the Real Enemy

One of the greatest spiritual dangers for men is not open rebellion. It is quiet passivity.

Adam in Genesis 3 is a sobering example. When the serpent spoke to Eve, Adam was there, but…he was silent. He did nothing. Sin entered the world not only through deception, but through passive leadership. Adam should have proclaimed, “No! Not on my watch!” He should have stood up as a defender of the Garden and protected Eve from the guile of Satan.

That pattern repeats itself in every generation. Men drift. They disengage. They avoid responsibility. They often kick back and let the wives handle the spiritual and ethical matters. And the consequences ripple outward into marriages, families, and churches.

I have seen this firsthand in ministry. Years ago, I spoke with a man who loved his family and attended church regularly, yet he admitted that he had never once prayed with his children. Not once. He was not hostile to God. He simply assumed spiritual leadership was someone else’s job.

That is what passivity looks like. It rarely announces itself. It simply settles in quietly.

When Men Become Spectators

Another issue is how easily men become spectators in church life.

Many churches unintentionally train men to sit, listen, and leave. Week after week, they consume teaching but are rarely challenged to disciple others, mentor younger believers, or take responsibility for spiritual work.

But Scripture presents a very different model.

In 2 Timothy 2:2, Paul instructs Timothy to entrust truth to faithful men who will teach others also. Let’s look at that closer. Paul (first generation of disciples in this example) commands Timothy (second generation) to entrust truth to faithful men (third generation) who will teach others (fourth generation). That is four levels of growth, from person to person to person to person. Four levels of men teaching other men how to be disciples of Jesus Christ. That is a multiplication effect. That is active discipleship. And we are to do the same throughout the Church.

In Titus 2, older men are instructed to train younger men. That is relational and intentional. It assumes initiative and involvement.

Biblical discipleship is participatory. It calls men to step forward, not sit back.

When churches do not create clear pathways for men to lead, serve, and disciple, many men disengage. Not because they do not care, but because they do not see where they fit or what is expected of them.

The Difference Between Gentleness and Softness

There is an important distinction. Scripture calls men to gentleness. Christ Himself is gentle and lowly in heart (Matthew 11:29). The fruit of the Spirit includes kindness and patience (Galatians 5:22-23).

But gentleness is not the same as softness or weakness. Gentleness is strength under control.

Jesus welcomed children, comforted the broken, and showed compassion to sinners. Yet He also rebuked hypocrisy, confronted false teachers, and endured the cross with unshakable resolve.

Biblical manhood holds those dual qualities together. Compassion and courage. Tenderness and strength. Humility and conviction.

When discipleship emphasizes only the softer traits and neglects the call to courage, endurance, and leadership, men receive an incomplete picture of what it means to follow Christ.

Comfort Is a Powerful Enemy

One of the things I have noticed over time is how deeply comfort shapes modern life.

We live in a world designed to entertain us, distract us, and keep us comfortable. Endless streaming, constant scrolling, and a steady flow of digital noise make it easy to drift spiritually without even realizing it.

Men are particularly vulnerable to this. Not because men are weaker, but because passivity often disguises itself as harmless relaxation.

I remember a season in my own life when I realized how easily I could spend hours reading, browsing, or watching things that were not sinful in themselves but left my soul thin and distracted. They were “safe,” and on the surface, they were nothing that really opposed Christian values. So, after consuming them, nothing dramatic had happened. I had simply grown spiritually dull through comfort and neglect.

Hebrews 12:11 reminds us that discipline is painful rather than pleasant, yet it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Growth requires effort. Always has.

The Home Is the Front Line

If there is one place where passive discipleship shows its effects most clearly, it is the home.

Deuteronomy 6 commands fathers to teach God’s words diligently to their children. Psalm 78 speaks of passing truth from one generation to the next so that children will set their hope in God.

When fathers are disengaged spiritually, that chain weakens.

I have spoken with many men who love their children deeply yet feel unsure how to lead spiritually. No one ever showed them how. No one ever expected it of them. So they remain silent, hoping someone else will fill the gap.

But Scripture never assigns that responsibility to programs or institutions. It begins in the home.

Recovering a Stronger Vision of Discipleship

So what is the solution? I believe the answer is not to reinvent discipleship, but to recover what Scripture has already given us.

Men need to be called to serious obedience. They need to be taught how to fight sin, how to pray with persistence, how to read Scripture deeply, how to lead their families, and how to disciple other men.

They need to be reminded that the Christian life is not comfortable, but it is meaningful. It is not easy, but it is glorious.

Churches can help by creating environments where men are expected to grow, expected to serve, and expected to take responsibility. Not pressured with guilt, but challenged with purpose.

Men respond to purpose. Always have.

Christ Is the Model of True Strength

Ultimately, the answer is not found in cultural ideas about masculinity. It is found in Christ Himself.

Jesus is the perfect man. He is humble yet fearless. Gentle yet unyielding in truth. Compassionate toward sinners yet unwavering in holiness.

He washed the feet of His disciples, and He also set His face toward the cross (Luke 9:51). He endured suffering, rejection, and death out of love for His people.

That is strength. Real strength.

And that is the kind of strength Christian men are called to pursue.

A Final Thought

I’m convinced that many men are not bored with Christ. They are bored with a shallow version of Christianity that asks little, demands little, and produces little.

But when men see the real call of the Gospel, to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Christ, something awakens. The soul recognizes that this is what it was made for.

The church does not need to make discipleship more entertaining for men. It needs to make discipleship more biblical.

And when that happens, men will not drift. They will rise.