When I first posted about The Biblical Order of the Family, as part of the blog post, I had attempted to write a thorough examination of the structure of a biblical marriage according to Ephesians chapter 5. Although I think that the blog article covers the topic well enough, there was still a lot of nuance that might have been lacking.
Therefore, below is a closer look at what exactly is entailed by the God-given roles of men and women in a monogamous marriage covenant before the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22-33 is one of the most profound passages in Scripture on marriage, providing a framework that mirrors Christ’s relationship with the Church. It begins by addressing wives in verses 22-24, saying, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” This call to submission can often be misunderstood in modern contexts, so it’s crucial to unpack its full meaning. The term “submit” here, taken from the Greek word hupotasso, is not about inferiority or blind obedience. Rather, it conveys the idea of willingly placing oneself under another’s leadership in love and trust. This parallels the Church’s submission to Christ, who leads her in love and righteousness. Paul emphasizes that this submission is “as to the Lord,” meaning it is an act of worship to God, not merely to the husband. In Genesis 2:18, God designed the wife as a “helper” (ezer kenegdo), a role that implies strength and partnership, much like God Himself helps His people. A wife’s submission complements her husband’s leadership, forming a partnership that thrives on mutual respect and shared purpose.
Verse 23 adds further clarity: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” Here, headship is likened to Christ’s authority over the Church. But Christ’s authority is not domineering. Instead, it is redemptive and selfless. The husband’s headship is rooted in this same model, calling him to lead in a way that protects, provides, and guides with Christlike humility.
This is not a license for abuse or control; instead, it is a weighty responsibility to reflect Christ’s sacrificial care. Think of a captain steering a ship; he does not act for personal gain but ensures the safety and well-being of everyone on board. Similarly, a husband’s headship is for the benefit of his wife and family, designed to bring unity and flourishing.
Paul continues in verse 24, saying, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” The phrase “in everything” underscores the holistic nature of the marital relationship. Just as the Church submits to Christ in all aspects of life—trusting His wisdom, provision, and love—a wife is called to follow her husband’s leadership in the home. Yet, this does not mean following into sin or abandoning discernment. The context of Scripture, including passages like Acts 5:29, shows that submission to human authority must always align with submission to God. A wife’s submission, therefore, is ultimately a display of faith in God’s design for marriage, trusting that her husband’s leadership is shaped by Christ’s example.
Turning to husbands, Ephesians 5:25 raises the bar to an extraordinary level: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This command is grand and profound because it links the husband’s role to the ultimate act of love: Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Just as Christ laid down His life for the Church, husbands are called to a love so selfless that it prioritizes their wives’ well-being above their own.
This love is active, not passive, and it demands patience, kindness, and a willingness to serve. Think of a husband who works tirelessly to provide for his family yet still makes time to support his wife emotionally and spiritually. This is Christlike love in action.
Verses 26-27 explain the purpose of this love: “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing.” This “washing of water with the word” refers to spiritual sanctification by instructing a wife in God’s teachings from His Word. Therefore, a husband’s love should lead his wife closer to Christ, encouraging her spiritual growth and holiness. Just as Christ purifies the Church, husbands are called to foster an environment where their wives can thrive and grow spiritually. While each person is responsible for their own choices, including saying “yes” to the salvation that only Christ offers, the husband carries much of the responsibility to his wife’s holiness in her growth in sanctification.
How can a godly husband do this? One example is leading his wife in daily Bible reading. A dedicated man of God will lead his family to church, not the other way around. Another way a man can do this is by praying together, encouraging his wife in her gifts, or bearing with her weaknesses in patience and grace. Biblical headship, then, is not about control but about nurturing and elevating one’s wife to fulfill her God-given purpose.
Finally, Paul ties it all together in verses 31-33, quoting Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This unbreakable union is a reflection of the covenant between Christ and the Church. In marriage, husbands and wives are not adversaries but co-laborers, working together to glorify God. When the husband’s leadership and the wife’s submission are rooted in mutual love and respect, the marriage becomes a living parable of Christ’s relationship with His people. This divine pattern not only brings joy and flourishing to the home but also serves as a testimony to the watching world of God’s grace and goodness.
In essence, Ephesians 5:22-33 is not just about the roles of the husband and the wife, but about reflecting the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It elevates marriage to something sacred: a picture of Christ’s sacrificial love and the Church’s faithful trust. This vision requires both spouses to lay aside selfishness and embrace their God-given roles with humility and love, trusting that God’s design will bring true unity and joy.
A Husband’s Authority Must Be Under Christ
A husband’s authority over his wife is clearly taught in Scripture, yet it must always reflect Christ’s Lordship (Eph. 5:25; 1 Cor. 11:3). His authority is not absolute but is limited by his responsibility to love, serve, and lead his wife in a way that glorifies God. The husband is called to exercise his authority with humility and care, as a steward under Christ.
When this God-given authority is disregarded, chaos ensues. A marriage without a clear leader creates confusion, and in such a case, the man often becomes passive and emasculated. The result is a lack of direction that leaves the wife and family struggling, rather than thriving. Both spouses may compete for leadership, undermining the unity God intended for marriage.
Conversely, when a husband wields his authority without love or understanding, it becomes oppressive and harmful. Leadership detached from Christ’s example of sacrificial love turns tyrannical and destroys the harmony of the home. Instead of nurturing, the husband’s leadership suffocates, damaging the wife and children entrusted to his care.
Biblical headship, when exercised as intended, brings life and joy to the family. It reflects God’s character and fosters an environment of mutual respect and love. This is not a license for control but a call to model Christ’s servant-leadership. A husband’s role is to care for his family, not to dominate, and his leadership should always aim at flourishing, not frustration.
Furthermore, understanding authority and submission within marriage requires recognizing the equal worth and shared inheritance of husband and wife in God’s kingdom. They are companions, friends, and co-workers in Christ, fulfilling distinct yet complementary roles. When authority and submission are carried out in the light of these truths, they glorify God and bring joy to the household.
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