Winning Back Her Heart, God’s Way Devo Series: Day 2 – Measure Actions, Not Words

Day 2 – Measure Actions, Not Words

Scripture

You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?”

– Matthew 7:16

Introduction

Yesterday, we learned that Christlike love is the foundation of every strong marriage. Today, we move to something just as vital: discernment. It is time to start judging your relationship – and yourself – not by words, but by actions. Jesus said that we know the truth about someone’s character by what they do, not what they say. The same principle applies in marriage. Words can sound spiritual or emotional, but consistent actions reveal the heart.

This is not about suspicion or micromanaging your wife. It’s about spiritual clarity – learning to see patterns of faithfulness and growth in both of you. If you ignore actions and cling only to words, you’ll get trapped in endless emotional cycles. But when you begin to weigh deeds over dialogue, you’ll learn where the real work needs to happen – and it always starts with you.

Action Over Emotion

Doc Love taught that a woman’s Interest Level is best measured by her consistent actions. Does she show respect? Engage warmly? Want to spend time with you? Or does she speak flattering things to you while she withdraws, criticizes, and grows cold?

The secular, feminist world will have you believe that women are the superheroes, they’re sweet and innocent, and that they are the only ones with honesty and integrity, while most – if not all – men are lying, manipulative dogs. Well, guess what? Women are just as sinful and dishonest as men are. And often what comes out of a woman’s mouth does not match how she truly feels or the reality you and her find yourself in.

But for men, this truth about speech not matching reality applies both ways – your own Interest Level toward her is proven by your actions as well. Are you leading in love, or just talking about it? Are you being honest in all of your speech? Do you have any nefarious, selfish, or lustful motives? Are you consistently pursuing holiness, or just saying the right things on Sunday (and elsewhere throughout the week)?

Men, our wives listen less to what we say and more to what we model. If you say you love her but keep acting angry, distant, or lazy, she will trust what she sees, not what she hears. Likewise, if your wife claims she’s “fine” (a classic lie!) but her tone, affection, or participation at home says otherwise, that’s where you must pay attention. The fruit always tells the story.

Spiritual Discernment at Home

Ask yourself: What kind of fruit does our marriage produce right now? Is it peace, warmth, and partnership? Or tension, coldness, and resentment? Do you both see growth, forgiveness, and joy, or are you surviving on empty words? True spiritual leadership means looking beyond the surface and seeing what God sees – the actual patterns, not the promises.

The good news is that when both husband and wife begin to align their actions with their words, trust begins to heal. Your leadership, kindness, and steadiness will encourage her to mirror the same. As Ephesians 5 reminds us, love and respect are mutual responses that reinforce one another when both hearts obey God first.

Today’s Challenge

Spend ten quiet minutes tonight reflecting honestly before the Lord: Are your actions matching your words? Then, prayerfully observe your wife – not to criticize, but to understand. What does her body language, tone, and behavior tell you about her current heart posture? Ask God for wisdom to lead her gently toward unity and renewed love. When your actions line up with His Word, your example will speak louder than any argument ever could.

Series Lens: Redeemed Relationship Principles

• Interest Level: Gauge your relationship by patterns of behavior, not fluctuating emotions.
• The System: Consistent, godly action builds credibility and security over time.
• Being a Challenge: Lead with calm confidence and unwavering obedience to Christ.
• Action over Emotion: Measure fruit – both yours and hers – and adjust through prayer and repentance.