Winning Back Her Heart, God’s Way Devo Series – Day 1 – Love Her Like Christ, Even When It Hurts

Introduction to the Series

Welcome to this seven-day journey for men who want to rebuild love, respect, and attraction in their relationships the right way, God’s way. I’m creating this series, Winning Back Her Heart – God’s Way, not to be about tricks, techniques of “players,” mind games, coercion, or pretending to be an “alpha.” It’s not about using worldly definitions of what the term “manhood” means in order to gain favor with women.

What is it, then?

It is about rediscovering what it means to be a biblical man who leads with confidence, joy, and holiness.

Over the next week, I will have you apply practical, time-tested principles that most men have never been taught. We will use a tool called Interest Level to understand what truly keeps a woman engaged. The phrase originates from the late relationship expert Thomas Hodges, known as “Doc Love,” but we will redeem the insights through Scripture so that the goal is not manipulation, but Christlike leadership and sanctification.

Each day will integrate four redeemed ideas from Doc Love: Interest Level, The System (steady, disciplined behavior), Being a Challenge (strength with purpose), and Action over Emotion (judge by fruit, not feelings). Put together, these serve your home by calling you to steady, joyful, mission-driven leadership. If you take this seriously, you will not only restore your relationship, but you will transform it.

The Foundation: Christlike Love

Every man wants to be respected, admired, and desired by his wife. Many Christian men live with quiet tension or emotional distance in their homes. We pray for change, but often from the wrong angle, hoping she changes first. Scripture calls us to a higher road: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:25)

Christ did not wait for His bride to act right before loving her. He loved when she was unworthy, and His love changed her. That is the model. Love is not a reward for her behavior; it is a reflection of your obedience to God. You do not love your wife because she deserves it; you love her because Christ loved you first when you did not deserve it either. Therefore, you as a husband need to love your wife whether or not she reciprocates it first.

This may hurt you, as there may be instances where you give and give, and receive very little or nothing in return. Don’t chastise her or scold her for this. And don’t bring your love and service up to her in an argument, exclaiming, “I’m doing all of this for you, and get but nothing back!” You may have times of great disappointment in her. (Just remember, there have probably been many times you’ve disappointed her, so stay humble.) Don’t give up. Continue to joyfully and biblically love your wife day after day, week after week. She will eventually turn around.

This love is not weakness. It is strength under control. It chooses patience over retaliation, calmness over anger, and leadership over passivity. It is the posture of a man who does not crumble when things get hard. She may not respond immediately, but steadfast love preached by your actions will speak louder than a thousand words.

Practical Application

In Doc Love’s terms, you are beginning to build The System. For us, that means a consistent pattern of calm, confident, faithful action. The Apostle Paul calls “self-control” one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23. And emotional control, steadiness, and servant leadership are the foundation of a renewed interest level. When you stop chasing emotional validation and start living from a godly purpose, you become the man she instinctively respects again.

The point is to be that emotionally steady “rock” in her life. Instead of you being a roller coaster of emotions – going from angry and furious, to sad and unsure, to panicked and chaotic – you need to be that calm figure in her life who is always confident in God and His promises. Yes, you won’t be perfect, and emotions may occasionally get the best of you. But over time, as you submit yourself to the Lord and learn to walk in the Spirit, you will be better able to control your emotions and have a positive trust in God that is encouraging and inspiring to your spouse.

As she watches quiet strength in you – loving her without conditions, refusing to react to moods, and leading your home with conviction – admiration grows. What she senses is not a trick. It is Christ at work in you.

Today’s Challenge

Before bed, show love to your wife in a way that expects nothing in return. Don’t just tell her you love her; act on it and show it.

Offer a small act of service, a gentle word, or a quiet prayer over her.

If any small crisis happens to erupt today, don’t fly off the handle; but calmly lead your wife in prayer to trust God in that negative situation.

Task-wise, you can also show your love by washing the dishes, putting the kids to bed, or cleaning the basement without her having to hound you about doing it. Do not announce it. Do not look for praise or do it to win “brownie points” from your wife. Just do it, smile, and move on. Just love her like Jesus loves His bride (the Church), with grace, patience, servitude, and strength.

Series Lens: Redeemed Relationship Principles

• Interest Level: pay attention to consistent patterns of engagement, and raise it by becoming a steady, joyful, mission-driven man.
• The System: live out disciplined, repeatable behaviors that build trust and safety in your home.
• Being a Challenge: stand firm with purpose and direction under Christ. Do not be wimpy, soft, wishy-washy, or manipulative; instead, be dependable.
• Action over Emotion: judge health by fruit. Lead with choices that honor God, even when feelings lag.