Most of us feel good when affirmed. It soothes our ego and, at its best, contributes to our well-being. A simple compliment suffices to brighten the day of many. Affirmations stir up happy feelings, and who wouldn’t want to be happy?
A rebuke, by comparison, can hurt, even when delivered in a gentle tone. We may recognize its usefulness and swallow the pill, but hardly would anyone regard it as beautiful. Consequently, we miss out on a good rebuke’s incredible value and ignore that love does not always mean affirmation. Love means telling the truth, uncomfortable ones included.
Of course, a rebuke can be delivered poorly or with bad motives. Some are genuinely destructive. However, a good rebuke can make a person flourish.
Why a Good Rebuke is Beautiful
Relationships are built on trust, and God made humans to relate with others on the basis of trust. There is, however, no trust without truthfulness. A wife may assume she trusts her husband, but if she finds out a hidden secret, it will erode the trust.
Therein lies the first reason a good rebuke is beautiful. Done correctly, it enhances trust. There is no room for pretense, gossip, or insincerity.
In addition, we are sinful, despite what positivity enthusiasts may claim. Our nature is inclined towards evil, not occasional moral hiccups from an otherwise pristine heart. Thus, a rebuke is the individual equivalent of law and order. It keeps us in check.
It is also a means through which the Holy Spirit sanctifies believers. Every word of correction highlights an area the Spirit wants to work on. Bit by bit, we take on the shape of Christ. There’s nothing better than that.
The book of Proverbs further gauges our wisdom by our receptivity to rebukes. For instance, it says, “Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you.” (Proverbs 9:8 NIV)
Are we mockers? Do we hate people who rebuke us?
Why Do We Hate Being Rebuked?
In Eden, the serpent’s affirmation was framed around the statement “you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” (Genesis 3:5, NIV). From that moment, we desire what is good in our eyes, seeking the autonomy to dictate our morality. Who dares say otherwise?
A rebuke entails that my “good” is not good. Indeed, it implies I don’t always know what’s good for me, and I need external intervention. I’d prefer to be told otherwise.
We also misunderstand the biblical teaching on judgment, which was against hypocritical judgment, not a ban on telling someone of their wrongs. Paul did not contradict Jesus when he judged the sinning man in Corinth (1 Corinthians 5:3).
Another reason for our hatred of rebuke is the concept of love we hold. We celebrate the softer aspects while shunning ‘tough love’. It influences how we’re inclined to view Jesus, ignoring that he rebuked too (Luke 4:54-55).
How Can We Accept and Give Rebukes?
The first place to begin is the gospel, which enables us to love a good rebuke. To believe in Christ, we must first be convicted of sin, which is a rebuke on its own. This awareness as sinners should make us eager to accept corrections and constructive criticism, for we should value sanctification.
Furthermore, we should be intentional about creating an environment where rebukes are welcome. That can mean having an accountability system, submitting at a local church, or openly giving friends permission to confront us when needed.
Outside our system, God uses people around us to offer correction, including non-Christians. We must be aware of those moments.
Humility is central to embracing a rebuke. Without an inflated view of self, we would see every reprimand as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth.
The Bible itself is a great source of rebuke. (2 Timothy 3:16). The more we submit to it, the more we grow.
We must also be willing to be channels of change for others, even when it involves uncomfortable conversations. Keeping in mind the other party’s good, let us find the best ways to show love through admonishments.
Let us be the wise people in Proverbs who accept rebuke, not mock it.
